Read this first: https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm+38&version=NIV
Waiting. We’ve been doing it for awhile and to wake up today to hear that not only is Minneapolis burning so was downtown Portland and now we have a city curfew while our mayor’s mother dies really made me feel alone. More alone than I have in the last two and a half months I’ve been extreme quarantining. In that context comes this verse:
Lord, I wait for you;
you will answer, Lord my God.
I don’t want to wait anymore. I want the fighting to end. I want quarantine to end. I want to go back to the way things were but maybe that won’t come for 2 years. What does that mean for me? No dates? No companionship? No chance of a marriage nor a kid until I’m 43? I think I’d be a great dad and I try not to talk about this but there’s very little I desire more right now and I don’t know how that will happen.
I spent too much time on twitter and social media today which is awful. I did have a bit of a dialogue with Phil Vischer that kept me going and eventually got outside for a run, but today I felt the despair that David feels in this. I don’t know that I feel like I’m fighting against God like he does. But I do feel like I’m fighting against the world. So I grasp for straws. Tomorrow I will talk about race with the kids in hopes that in the future they will be more informed and maybe the world a little less hateful.
And I guess rather that tweeting I should pray. Because some things can’t be rationalized nor should be solved by us. They should be solved by listening, waiting, and hoping, as God is the one who will answer. Just wait.
Marking It Up 